Call Trump’s DC Hotel: “Is this where I can buy some influence?”

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trump hotel w monopoly man 2Donald Trump says he’s not divesting from his businesses. So guess what? His businesses are going to hear — and hear and hear and hear — from us!

Call Trump Hotel DC: (202) 695-1100 or (866) 660-9426  

We don’t blame the people who answer the phones at Trump businesses for their boss’ corruption, and we always treat them with the utmost respect. (In fact, It turns out that many are secretly —  or not-so-secretly — on our side!)

Indeed, we’re going to chat — and chat and chat and chat — with them to create what you might call a free-speech blockade. As we tie up their phone lines, we’re going to bring Trump’s corrupt Empire to a standstill, one tacky business at a time.

Let’s start with the Trump Hotel in DC, where foreign powers are eagerly booking rooms to buy political influence: (202) 695-1100 or (866) 660-9426  

Call and ask about a room. Then ask about a suite. Then ask about two suites. Ask about the furniture, the bedding, the room service, the rates. Then ask about whether they have a Presidential suite.

At that point, you can just say you’d never stay in a hotel associated with Trump.

Or better yet, have a little fun with it: “I’m happy to book the Presidential suite, but what I really want is to strike a sweet deal with the President. Know what I mean? Which rooms are the best if you want to buy influence in the new administration? What’s the recommended method for delivering bribes? Do you have nondescript envelopes, or do I need to bring my own?”

Remember, treat the people answering the phones as our allies — they probably are! You might want to take a moment to explain to them why you’re making this call, and apologize for any inconvenience. That is, if they aren’t already giggling along with you.

Tell a friend about our phone jams — they can sign up here.

And do report back on your experience! Email us at