Last week, we had a lively time calling Trump’s spas to say we cannot “relax” with neo-Nazi Steven Bannon in the White House.
Today, we’re focusing on the epic conflicts of interest facing the kleptocrat who stole the election. Join us in calling some of Trump’s businesses with a simple question: “Is this where I can buy some political influence from the Trump administration?”
We’ve cherry-picked a few choice targets, including his D.C. hotel and several Trump-associated restaurants:
- Trump International Hotel, DC (202) 695-1100
- Jean-Georges (restaurant, NYC) (212) 299-3900 or (866) 660-9426
- BLT Steakhouse (restaurant, DC) (202) 868-5100
- BLT Prime (restaurant, Miami) (305) 591-6606
- Sixteen (restaurant, Chicago) (312) 588-8030
- DJT (restaurant, Las Vegas) (702) 982-0000
To keep those phone lines busy, you’ll want to draw out your conversation — see our suggested script just below. As always, we ask that you treat the people who answer the phones with the utmost respect — indeed, treat them as if they’re on our side, because many of them are.
Hello, is this such-and-such restaurant?
Oh great, can you tell me about your menu/rooms? [ask lots and lots of detailed questions]
OK, I’d like to reserve a table/suite. [get into a long and complicated discussion of possible dates and times]
OK, but I want more than a table and a meal. You run a pay to play place, right?
‘Cause, I’m happy to pay, but I want to play.
Because I hear this is the place to do a deal with the President-elect. Know what I mean?
I’m happy to book the Presidential suite, but what I really want is to strike a sweet deal with the President. Know what I mean?
Because I don’t just want to buy a curry, I want to curry favor with the President. Hey, do you even serve curry?
No, really: I want to buy some political influence from the Trump administration. Is this where I can buy some influence? And what’s the best table for that? At which table did the Argentina deal get struck? How ’bout the Saudi Arabia deal? ‘Cause I want to sit at that table. That’s why most people come to your restaurant/hotel, isn’t it? What’s the recommended method for delivering bribes? Do you have nondescript envelopes, or do I need to bring my own?
Oh, and if the people on the phone tell you that Donald Trump’s connection to their business is only a tenuous one? Sorry, folks, you embraced the brand, you’ll have to contend with an outpouring of free speech!
Tell a friend about our phone jams — they can sign up here
And do report back on your experience! Email us at email@example.com